Syfy craps out The Phantom movie

What is it with Syfy taking characters from the King Features Syndicate comic strips and turning them into terrible shows?  First, there was the steaming pile of shit that was the Flash Gordon TV show, then they premiere a four hour, two-part movie about The Phantom.  Granted, this was made and broadcast in Canada last year, but it was only a matter of time that this shitstorm made it to the network known for lame-ass shows based on science fiction, fantasy, comic books, and any really bad movie premise (Gatorsaurus vs. Supercroc?).

Let me just sum this movie up in one word: Avoid!  All the pulp-style two-fisted action and adventure you would expect from this character has been completely sucked out of this movie along with its soul.  All that remains is some crappy Batman wannabe with some stupid plot, boring dialogue, and wooden acting.

Basically, young Christopher "Kit" Walker, son of the Kit Walker from the original Phantom series, finds out that he is the 22nd in a line of men, each, also named Kit Walker, who will take up the mantle of the fabled "Ghost who Walks."  "Ghost who Sucks" is more like it.  It turns out the Singh Brotherhood still exists and is working on creating the perfect assassin.  How do they go about this?  Cable television!  No, really, they own a nationwide cable company that broadcasts this subliminal signal to a select number of their subscribers.  The signal turns these unsuspecting fools to violent, suicidal psychopaths... because that's definitely the image I get when I think of the perfect assassin.

There is nothing worth seeing about this movie.  It's terrible from beginning to end.  The worst part about this film is the treatment of the title character.  For some reason, the island of Bengalla is now home to a state-of-the-art secret facility that has high tech training facility, a bleeding edge gadget lab, a fully furnished hospital, and numerous staff to run it all.  If memory serves me right, this isn't supposed to be MI6, so what the fuck does The Phantom have all this for?  In the 1996 Billy Zane version of the movie (which I recommend), he just had a secret cave, a manservant, two guns, a horse, and a wolf.  Where the hell did these upgrades come from?

Speaking of these bullshit changes, you won't believe the "new" Phantom suit.  Sure, the original was prominently displayed, but Kit Walker the 22nd thought it looked stupid and refused to wear it (little bastard needs to respect tradition!).

For those of you who have never seen The Phantom, here's what he's supposed to look like:

Now, here's what the "updated" version looks like:

How the fuck is that even close to the original costume?  What kind of disrespectful piece of crap is this?

You know, I've been noticing that people have been taking pre-existing franchises and are basically fucking them up.  Some people would say they're updating the franchise to make it accessible to today's audiences.  I say that if you have to spin gold into shit to entertain an audience, then fuck the audience.  Seriously, who asked for a reboot of The Phantom that scarcely resembles the original source material?  If you're going to make some generic, costumed, supertard, don't fucking bother slapping The Phantom's name on it.  Things would have been better if they had just called it Stupid Hi-Tech Ninja Boy Who Can't Act.  At least, that would be a more appropriate name.

Seriously, stay away from this film.  If anything, find a copy of the 1996 film.  That had some great two-fisted action and plenty of pulp style to go with it.  If, however, you do like boring movies with forgettable characters, a ridonculous plot, abysmal acting, and uninspired action, then just keep eating those paint chips, numbnuts.